Tuesday, 21 October 2008

The right to know?

This is a tough one for me to write. I have a dear, dear friend who i think the absolute world of. She is my confidant, we laugh and talk, we've cried together but mostly we are happy in each others company, with those comfortable silences and with lots of chatter!(she wont see this as hates pc's!!)
She has a child who became a "lady" this year. Other than really heavy periods she is coping fine. But they are REALLY heavy. Horrendously so.
I suggested a trip to the Dr., as it is a really strong family trait. She said she had made an appointment, but will not take her child with her.
For once (and it is a really rare thing) I kept my mouth shut. It's her decision after all it's her child.
But if it were one of my girls what would i do? Of course it's simple for me (I do tend to see most of life in black and white with very very few grey areas), the child would come with me. After all, i'd be discussing the child and surely they have a right to know family history and how best to deal with it. Am i perhaps a bit to liberal? I really thought i am a conservative gal but i guess not! I feel i want to say something but don't want to seem like i'm being my opinionated self, or butting in. I'm sure my friend is trying to protect her child, but sometimes knowledge and understanding is the best defense? Am i way off base?
I know i will probably step back and let my friend do it her way. It's just..am i alone in thinking like this?

8 comments:

mommy2twinkies-Deb said...

I think that if her child is old enough to have really heavy periods, then she is old enough to go to the doctor to discuss it. Though a dear friend of yours, I think she's doing a disservice to her child. To be honest though, it's one of those times that it's hard to speak up, because it is her child. Perhaps there's a soft way to mention it.... ?

Jen said...

I was getting ready to say pretty much what Deb already has. I would also think that if the daughter is suffering through the same thing, it might be reasuring to her to go talk to the doctor with her mother. I don't have any daughters, but if I did, I would want to take them with me for this kind of talk! I would think by being open with her daughter about something like this, it would also show the daughter that she is there to discuss anything with her...which will be very helpful as her daughter grows older. Your friend evidently feels comfortable enough with you to let you know she will be seeing the doctor about this issue...I just wonder if there is a way to talk to her as a friend about maybe reconsidering taking her daughter with her....

Octamom said...

We are extremely open with our kids about these subjects--part of it is due to them having experienced my multiple pregnancies and having been at several of the births, and a big part of it is equipping them, empowering them to understand the miraculous workings of their own bodies. I too have had friends who have chosen to be more 'confidential' with this type info, but I know for our family, open disclosure and open discussion have been important aspects of our parenting---

Blessings!

avtcoach said...

I'm a little late to the party but here goes. it may be that this woman is choosing to see the dr. alone out of her own uncomfortableness. Sometimes people have to ease into it. Maybe she herself has not been able to talk about it? Anyway, she could choose to go alone, talk frankly and then go home discuss it with her daughter and make an second appt for her daughter to see the dr. When our daughter was 15 I mentioned to my dr that I would like for her to see my daughter. No problems, just est. a relationship for good health. Then I talked with her and made the appt. she went alone. It was great. My daughter her gone for exams ever sense. I am sure your friend will help her daughter with the problem, it may just go in a different order. I certainly agree with your thoughts and Octamom, just thought I'd lay out a possiblity to think about.

allrileyedup said...

Having been the recipient of much well-meaning unsolicited advice about my son, I think you're wise not to offer it, unless directly asked "What would you do/what do you think I should do?" Personally, I agree - I would take my daughter. But, like you, I tend to see black and white. There's a lot of gray matter that could be very valid undisclosed reasons as to why she has chosen not to bring her daughter. Perhaps the doctor will suggest she schedule a follow up appointment so he can speak with her daughter directly. At any rate, I hope the cause of the heavy flow is nothing serious and everyone comes out healthy.

Gill said...

thanks everyone :) I am so pleased to be able to say that my friend asked me what i would do and i told her. I said that i would take my girls and we would be open. I gave lots of reasons and that fact that it would encourage an open ness between us was only a good thing. She is taking her child with her :)

mommy2twinkies-Deb said...

Thanks for your comments about my marathon!!! It was a tough one, but I was really proud of my time!

Octamom said...

Loved your story over at my place! Wow! Nothing like a little being a little in your cups to initiate news of being lost at sea! What a great story!

Blessings!

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