Saturday, 27 September 2008

Standing up for what is right is not a crime!

Well i am calm enough to post today! I have had a hissy fit in the confines of my bedroom! I have shed a few tears in anger and at the thought of my poor 11 year old being given a label that is so for off the mark it's not funny!

I shall start at the beginning!

Bex started senior school knowing 3 people - B, K and M.
She is in the same tutor base and K and M. K is her best mate! M is a boy she neither likes
nor dislikes. B is not in their tutor but is friends with M.

K and B get the bus together and had a misunderstanding about where to sit!! So B and M start picking on her - little snipes and niggles but nothing she couldn't cope with.
When M started pulling on K's bag and hurting her by pulling hair and twisting arms Bex stepped up and told him to back off and leave K alone! So like any bully worth their salt they also decided Bex was now fair game!
Unfortunately they did not bank on the fact that Bex does tell me everything and this includes the bad stuff!
So i left it a few days after all these things do blow over, sometimes! However when K's mum (my very close friend) got a call from the school nurse saying that K had been there every day claiming to be ill, we all wanted to know why! She told us it was to escape B and M picking on her. This is when Bex said that M had been pulling her hair and twisting her arms. So we separately rang the school. We wanted it sorted!

The tutor agreed to sort it. Nothing happened.

The head of year agreed to sort it -M thought it was funny and continued to harass the girls.

The deputy head of the school sorted it! We finally thought it was over!

So when B found out they were in trouble she all of a sudden became quite "ill" and had to go home! Shocker huh!
She went back after a couple of days and got her stern talking to and punishment handed to her.
And again went to the nurse ill!

The nurse (in all her wisdom - or lack of) calls Bex, K and M into her office with B and tries to sort it out and make them all be friends!
(Bex and K had stated they did not wish to be friends but just wanted to be left alone, I am happy to leave it like that, she wont be friends with every person she ever meets in life!)
So when B tried to pin all the blame on Bex my girl told her "You are lying, i know it, you know it, so tell the truth or shut up!!"
The nurse has now decided that my daughter, who stands up for friends and what she believes to be right, needs anger management!

I saw red!! After Bex and K told me all this i was the one needing anger management! I was fizzing!

An 11 year old girl who can stand and say - "you are lying" without hitting anyone or crying for the sympathy vote, who is a fierce friend and ally does NOT need anger management. She needs praise in my book!

As i am far too close to this to be rational i'm sending Papa bear to school on Monday to re-educate them on our Daughter! How can the same school get it so right with one child and not another from the same family?

Am i right to be cross that the nurse interfered? Or am i not seeing the whole picture..have i missed something?
If one of my kids was a bully i would come down on them like a ton of bricks..but when they are guilty of being a good friend i will back them all the way!

Bex and K!! BFF!

*thanks for letting me vent - sorry to bore you all!*


AVT Coach said...

Yikes! My stomach started hurting as well reading this post. I am so sorry. It is so hard when our own circle of influence is so small and our kids' circle of influence is so different. Of course your child did the right thing, but the behavior of those "friends" may not be in her circle of influence either. I find it disheartening that the adults at the school make judgements and do just the opposite of what they expect of the be good listeners, to accept those who are different, to keep their hands to themselves and to value learning.
It sound like Papa Bear needs to remind the adults of their mission and encourage the adults to be better listeners!!!! Here's to a focused and influential Papa Bear on Monday!

Octamom said...

I had a situation myself in late grade school where a school administrator badly bungled trying to 'sort' through a situation in which some girls had been bullying me. We were left alone in the office in order to 'sort it out' ourselves when the school administrator decided that he didn't want to mess with it any more. Needless to say, it only made things much worse.

My dad ended up at the school later that afternoon--and I don't know that I had ever felt so supported and loved. My folks were often big on letting me fight my own battles--BUT when the adults in charge blow it, it is definitely time for the parents to step in

Let us know how things turn out--and I do agree whole heartedly with you--that calling a spade a spade has NOTHING to do with 'anger management'...


Jen said...

Again I am trying to catch-up on reading blogs....
Way to go Bex on sticking up for your friend and doing it in a way that was FAR better than most would handle it! I would have been FURIOUS with the school and how they handled the situation. I haven't read what happened when Papa Bear went to the school yet. Will be anxious to hear what happened.


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